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Joke of the Week Archive

May 2000

Two men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies, one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun. The first guy jumps off the cliff and on the way down the birds fly away. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his back. He looks up just in time to see his friend jump off too.

As the second guy falls and the parrot flies off, he pulls up his shot gun and shoots the bird just before he too crashes onto the rocks. They lie there groaning in agony for a bit before the first guy says, "I really don't see what is supposed to be so great about budgie jumping!"

The second guy lets out a groan and says, "I'm really not too impressed with free fall parrot shooting either!"

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship, "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully. "Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"

A guy walks into a bar and notices two pieces of meat on the ceiling. He asks the bar man for a pint and the bar man asks, "Don't you want to participate in our competition?"

The guy asks "What's it all about?" The barman informs him, "All you have to do is get those pieces of meat off the ceiling and you get a free pint! If you fail you have to buy the whole pub a drink."

The guy replies, "No I don't think so mate... Those steaks are far too high!"

This celebrity is taking a shower. He has made it known to the public that he is celibate, and is firm on that fact. Even so, he occasionally feels the need to "release some built up tension," and this is one of these occasions.

Just as he is finishing with himself, he sees a photographer, who has captured the whole episode on film. "Hold on a minute" the celebrity says. "You can't do that. You'll destroy my reputation. I'll be a laughing stock."

"This picture is my lottery win," says the photographer. "I'll be financially secure for life." So the guy offers to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots of negotiation, they eventually arrive at a figure of two-million dollars.

The guy then dries himself off, and heads off with his new camera. He meets his housekeeper, who spots the camera. "That looks like a really good camera," she says, "how much did it cost you?"

"Two-million dollars," he replies. "TWO-MILLION DOLLARS!" says the housekeeper. "They must have seen you coming."

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