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Joke of the Week Archive

June 2000

George drops in on the golf course wanting to play an impromptu round of golf. The golf pro explains that they're pretty busy, but there is a woman about to tee off by herself, and if George hurries, he can play with her. George rushes down, and asks the woman if he can join her. Sally introduces herself, and says, "Yes."

Well George and Sally immediately hit it off. They were golfing, talking, laughing, having the time of their lives. When they got to the 17th tee, Sally invited George into the woods for a bl*w job. Of course, George agreed. When the game was over, George asked Sally if she would like to play again the following week. The two of them started having a regular weekly game, with Sally's special bonus for George just off the 17th tee.

One day, after a few months of this, Sally told George, "I have something very important to tell you." "What is it?" George asked nervously, "Has someone found out about us?" "Actually," Sally said, "My real name is Sam. I'm not really a woman, I'm a man." George was stunned and angered, "Do you mean to tell me that all this time you've been a man yet you've been hitting from the woman's tee?"

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf.

She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter, and showed her one of his finest. "How much is it?" she asked. "One hundred and fifty dollars" he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so. "But it comes with an inscription" he said. "What kind of inscription ?" she asked.

"Whatever you wish" he explained, "but one of the old golfers favorites is, NEVER UP, NEVER IN.'" "OH, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife, "that's what started the argument in the first place!"

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor. "I can't figure it out Doc. And, I'm really worried," said the husband. "My testicles are turning blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied. "And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" asked the doctor. "Grape."

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