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Joke of the Week Archive

October 2001

Hunting Unicorns

Two hunters were in a lodge making small talk. One of them asked the other, "So, what do you hunt?"

The other hunter answered, "I hunt unicorns."

The first hunter was startled, but said, "Really? How do you do that?"

The other answered, "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."

The first hunter said, "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."

The second hunter said, "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!"

Blonde Duck Hunters

Did you hear about the two blondes who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits and equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good.

But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one blonde said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"

"I don't know," replied the other blonde. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog up high enough..."

Hunting Pointers

To successfully hunt a polar bear, you simply need just a pick axe and a can of peas. First you cut a hole in patch of ice. Then you place some peas around the hole. When the bear arrives to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.

The Marathon Man

Marsha was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"

Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."

Marsha cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window.

When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

To which Ralph answered, "Only when it rains..."

How to Please a Woman?

Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Blonde: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I guess you're pretty good at pleasing yourself, then."

Trick or Treat?

This guy had invited his girl to attend a Halloween costume party with him, and he showed up at her door wearing nothing but a pair of roller blades, with a long string tied to the end of his penis and hanging down to his knees.

"Uh, and just what the hell are you supposed to be?" she asked.

"What else?" he replied smiling. "I'm a pull toy..."

A Frightful Night

"Get this," said a guy to his friends, "last night, while I was down at that wild Halloween party with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.

"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.

The first guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs."

One of his friends asked, "Whoa! But ... how?"

The first guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was me coming home drunk!"

Ever Wonder?

You know when a bird falls asleep, its feet automatically clench the branch to keep it from falling off.

Ever wonder how a witch stays on her broom?

Politically Correct Halloween

The governor of Colorado was hosting a Halloween costume party. All of the state's big shots attended, and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.

When the first couple arrived, the doorman announced, "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."

As the next couple arrived he announced, "Tarzan and Jane," and so on as each guest arrived.

Later in the evening, a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants, but apart from that he was totally naked from head to toe. "Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman.

Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from Denver mayor's office, the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"

The man proclaimed, "I'm premature ejaculation."

"I'm very sorry sir," said the doorman in obvious shock. "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering."

To which the Mayor's aide replied, "Okay. Just say I came in my pants..."

The Convenient Costume

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party with a girl on his back. "What the heck are you supposed to be?" asks the host.

"I'm a snail," replies the guy.

"But ... you have a girl on your back," replies the host.

"Yeah," the guy says, "that's Michelle!"

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Manly Joke of the Week Archive Last Updated
January 20, 2002