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Welcome to Manly Jokes
for Manly Men November 2001 The Football Wedding Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other guy says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" asked the first guy. "We call it a football wedding," replied the second guy. The first asked, "What's a football wedding?" The other guy replied, "She's waiting for him to kick off!" Instant Replay After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely (blonde) teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Cindee, what in the world is the matter with you ? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am!!!" Cindee fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Jeremy. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position...." She Was So Blonde... She thought a quarterback was a refund. When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!" Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening? A: A candlelit football stadium.
It's Miller Time! A man leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed screwing his wife. Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story. "Wow, that's awful, what did you do?" asked the bartender. "Well, I carefully sneaked back out the door, and hi-tailed it back here. Shoot, they were just getting started, so I figure I got time for a couple more beers..." I'll Take a Six Pack Driving my friend Ernie and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Ernie's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Ernie corrected. "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her..." The problem with the designated driver program is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. The bar room was crowded. All of a sudden, the cute little thing on the stool began to cry. The barkeep asked, "What's the trouble, Toots?" She sobbed, "I'm a virgin, and my boyfriend won't have anything to do with inexperienced stuff. What should I do?" ...Three men and a Lesbian were killed in the rush.
Guy Talk "Talk about a huge breast!" "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "It's Cool Whip time!" "Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open and stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long will it take after you stick it in?" "You'll know it's ready when it pops up." "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!" "How many are coming?" "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "Just lay back and take it easy ... I'll do the rest." "How long do I beat it before it's ready?" (Guys, get your mind out of the gutter, and enjoy your Thanksgiving Day meal!)
Muscle Strain Two old men sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How are you, Bob?" asked George. "I'm not feeling too good today, I'm utterly exhausted," replied Bob. "I've pulled a muscle and it's killing me." "I'm surprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Bob yawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night!" Call the Vet "Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very sick; would you please call me a vet?" "A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" asked his wife. The husband replied, "Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to sleep with a cow!" Economic Trends An older gentleman is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend asks, "How's that?" "It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression." Jump to Joke of the Week: | January 2001
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