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Joke of the Week Archive

April 2001

Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:

10. Nuts ... my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:

1. Hold up ... I need to wash my balls first.

Jill, on an airplane, strikes up a conversation with the geeky computer programmer sitting next to her. "Where are you going?" asks Jill.

"I'm going to San Jose," says the geek, "to a UNIX convention."

Later, Jill's husband picks her up at the airport. "How was the flight?" he asks.

"Oh, fine," says Jill. "I sat next to this guy I felt really sorry for."

"Why'd you feel sorry for him?"

"He didn't have any testicles."

"What?!" says the husband. "And just how did you learn *that*?"

"Because," says Jill, "he said he was going to a eunuchs' convention."

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead,"

"You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead.

The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before."

She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice!"

Late at night this guy runs into a pub and gets a glass of water from the bartender. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. Six glasses later, and he has recovered enough to speak. "Thanks," he croaks.

"That's one hell of a thirst you've got," says the bartender.

The guy says, "Any man would be as bad if they'd just had sex with the woman in my car. She's insatiable. She wants me to go right back out there and do it all again, but I can't." "Where's your car?" the bartender asks.

"At the roadside," the guy gasps. "Tell you what," says the bartender, "you watch the bar for me while I go out and take your place."

"Be my guest, the broad's a nympo. She'll do anybody."

So the bartender goes outside and gets in the car. It's totally dark, so the woman doesn't realize she's with a different man. They get right down to it, humping away. Five minutes later there's a knock on the window. It's a cop and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple. "What's going on here?" he asks.

"It's all right, officer," explains the bartender. "She's my wife."

"Oh, sorry sir, I didn't realize..."

"Neither did I till you switched on that damned light!"

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