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Joke of the Week Archive

May 2001

The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?"

"Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?"

"Now that goes way back in history... Back to the Garden of Eden. You see, we've always covered our pricks with leaves."

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I'm positive you'd never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question. "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday. I need three Viagra pills to satisfy them all."

The doctor replies, "You know three Viagra pills three nights in a row is pretty dangerous for a man of your age. I will give them to you on the condition you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out." The man agrees, "You have a deal, Doc."

Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened"? The man answered, "Nobody showed up."

A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late: a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" When the students finally stopped laughing, the professor responded, "Well, I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand..."

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Manly Joke of the Week Archive Last Updated
January 20, 2002