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Joke of the Week Archive

June 2001

One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So he asked her, "What's the matter, baby?"

Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably the best guy I've ever met, but every time we make love you give me splinters." This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto.

When Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell something was bothering Pinocchio, and asked him what was the matter. Pinocchio revealed his dilemma to Gepetto. Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out Pinocchio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.

Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio's problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So, Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" To which Pinocchio replied, "Girls? Who needs girls?"

Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. Everyone drowned, and soon they were standing before Saint Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. Saint Peter shook his head sadly, and said, "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy and his wife. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick..."

"I'm finished with Cheryl!" Ed exclaimed to his friend.

"What did she do?" asked his buddy.

"She broke down and told me she was bisexual."

"That bothers you that much?"

"Yeah! Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year?"

Every year at the state fair, Kirk entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend, David, that he wasn't going to bother to enter. "What kind of attitude is that?" David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."

Strolling around the fair, Kirk grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God. Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Mayberry's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow.

All of a sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Kirk rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77. A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Kirk lost ... The winning number was 707.

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Manly Joke of the Week Archive Last Updated
January 20, 2002