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American Youths Calling For "Common Sense" Approach To Determining Fart Ownership

Washington, D.C. - The long-standing "He Who Smelt It, Dealt It" rule of assigning fart blame has been challenged by several youths at Thomas Jefferson Grammar School in Georgetown. Calling the rule "unfair," the youths have demanded that the time-honored method of determining who let one be revised.

"I contend that this rule has long maintained a chilling effect on speaking out against the foul odor of farts," asserts Carlton Smith, age 6, spokesperson for the swelling movement to update the He Who Smelt It rule.

"No one would dare announce that they smelled a fart for fear of having it blamed on them."

Charles Wexley Jones, age 5, also a vocal opponent of the rule, claims that the force of tradition has kept He Who Smelt It rulings from being re-examined.

"Good people have had their reputations ruined by this abusive rule just because 'it's the way we've always done it,'" said Jones at a press conference near the Jefferson playground monkey bars. "It just doesn't make sense, and should be struck from the books!"

Critics of the movement, however, point to evidence that Smith, Jones and the others may be motivated by "digestive problems."

"Smith himself is in fact a repeat offender in the arena of flatulence," said David White, outspoken critic of the He Who Smelt It Revision. "Just because he can't hold them in doesn't mean we should be drawn into his personal crusade."

"And Jones has always tried to blame others for his stinkies," said other playground critics. "No one even sits NEAR him in the lunchroom."

Flyers printed by David White and his group and posted on the walls of Jefferson Grammar School loudly decry the efforts of the He Who Smelt It revisionists, reading "The tradition of Fart Blame has held us in good stead since time immemorial. Why should we alter them now?"

Experts assess Smith's plan to revise the rule of He Who Smelt It, Dealt It as "flawed," and point to Smith's potentially fatal error in alienating the female lobby with his assertion that "girls fart too."

"Everyone knows that girls do NOT fart, only boys with cooties fart," says Mary Lou Blankenship, age 6. "Carlton's wild assertions to the contrary have prevented me from backing his proposed legislation."

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